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Getting Back in Sync

Last year at this time, I was visiting a company for a leadership-coaching meeting with a client. As we talked, the holidays naturally came up. As the meeting progressed, it became apparent my client was tired from the holidays, stressed about his yearly need to set goals and concerned about his workload.

Consequently, the meeting was challenging as we were deviating from a fairly time sensitive agenda. We decided together to spend some time getting back “in-sync”. Working on goals without focus or awareness would not have been as effective.

Therefore, we went to work with writing down some notes, spending time processing and letting go of a challenging holiday with family and writing down notes and planning.

Based on the client’s feedback, he saw this meeting as a critical turning point and gained crucial tools to gain focus and clarity. Although our meeting was just the starting point, for him to become consistent at self-care, the holidays or post holidays, were good opportunities to start these changes.

The winter holiday season is a good time to reconnect with family and friends. It’s an opportunity for time off to travel, relax and regroup before returning to work in the New Year. It’s also a time to overeat, stop exercising and feel exhausted and stressed. Where do you fit in the above examples?

If you’re entering your job this week relaxed, focused and ready to take on anything that comes your way, congratulations! You are one of the few individuals who returns from this time-off energized!

If we look at the “how do you feel this week returning from the holidays continuum”, most of us fit somewhere in the middle. I know that January will bring distracted clients, burned out employees and low levels of energy from people returning from time off. For myself, I won’t be able to listen and problem solve as effectively as I would like.

So, why not attempt a new method to take pressure off of ourselves. Let’s try a different approach to recovering and re-energizing from the post holiday blues. Instead of putting more pressure on ourselves to set goals, lose weight, exercise more, have better time management, make more money, etc., let’s focus on what it takes to get back in sync. Once we come from a place of calmness and greater clarity, then we will have greater success achieving the above goals and behavioral changes.

Getting Back in Sync:

Spend a 10 minutes alone upon waking visualizing your day. Make sure you’re breathing fully as you see yourself interacting with others at work, evaluating projects, eating healthy food and drinking water to sustain your energy. See yourself taking a walk at lunch or after work alone, with family or friends.
Choose 2 of the most important things for you to get done that day and go for it. Spend as much time as it takes with breaks every hour or so.
Give yourself a few minutes to think from the heart. Who and what are you grateful for at this time.
Before leaving work your first few days back, develop or revise your To Do List. Gain perspective and be able to see your plan to get things done.
After your first week back at work, set-aside time for achieving goals. Think of 2% change instead of 100% make-over. Be realistic and enjoy the process!

Welcome Back and Here’s to a Great New Year!

Regards,
Frank

Why I do What I do

Last week, I was meeting with an HR Director for a wrap-up on an individual who had completed our leadership development program. As we concluded the meeting, he asked: “Why do you do this type of work?” As I recalled that conversation, I thought it would be helpful to answer that question for you.

Have you ever gone to work, to a meeting, with the feeling of doom? Even anxiety or mild nausea thinking how hard it was going to be dealing with that person – your boss, co-worker etc.

Isn’t it amazing how one person can interfere with progress, derail or de-motivate an entire meeting, or simply bully other people by cutting them off or talking over them? Have you noticed these individuals are often those in positions of power and authority that have a massive influence on the direction of your group or company?

This dilemma has intrigued me throughout my career. These questions would shuffle through my head around these types of people.

I would ask myself over and over again: Why is this type of behavior allowed? Why doesn’t anybody say anything? Why am I remaining quiet about this? How did these people get to where they are by acting like that? Why do people elevate them to this level? What can be done about this?

One answer was that these people were highly intelligent and successful – but to a point. When these people – managers, C-level individuals “arrived” to high-level positions, leading, inspiring and motivating were not in their skill set. Further, they were not motivated to improve because, “I’ve been successful up to this point, why would I need to listen to you?” (Have you ever heard this or something like it?)

I decided I was going to make it my priority to learn to deal with difficult and challenging people and help others do the same. I’ve spent my career working on methods, interventions, and creating and learning concepts in dealing with challenging individuals.

I love to see people, groups and companies gain contentment and focus once negative behavior has been mitigated. It’s amazing how a few alterations in one person’s actions will calm and focus a whole group of people or organization. Seeing groups relax, focus and get to work because they stop walking on eggshells is why I do this work. Watching those who appear defeated rise up with new ideas and energy is why this work needs to be done.

Hearing people say, “I didn’t think he would ever change” inspires me to continue this work. And, watching those who have been identified as “challenging” or “unreasonable” become labelled as “inspiring” or “somebody I’d like to work for” is why I do this work.

Please respond back with any questions or comments as they are always welcome. If you think this may interest someone feel free to forward it them.

Happy Holidays!

Frank Del Fiugo

How to Deal with Difficult People

Quote of the Week:

“Difficult People are your key to self-empowerment, you need to learn how to cope with them, and not let them dominate and affect you.” – Janice Davies

What does this quote bring to mind? What personality type is a challenge for you? What have you done to overcome this difficult person? Please let us know more via the comment section below.

We have all come across difficult people at work. In my experience, a challenging person may leave me stifled and frustrated. I may not be as efficient and effective as I’d like to be. When working with a problematic person, a red flag is fatigue and irritation after spending time with that person.

Yet, these are signals that there’s work to be done. I can avoid it or step up to the challenge. If I accomplish this task it may enhance my career while possibly helping the other person.

Obviously, not all disagreements and personality clashes can be attributed to difficult people, yet there certainly are extreme cases where a co-worker can make it virtually impossible for you to work together creating an almost toxic work environment.

Questions to ask yourself:

1. How long will I be working with this individual?

2. How important is my relationship with this person to my work and the bottom line?

3. What areas of communication do I need to address personally? Am I paying attention or distracted? What’s my contribution to this issue?

4. Do I have the ability to empathize with this individual or some part of them?

5. What role do I play in this challenging situation?

6. What type of person is this? Aggressive, shy, passive-aggressive? What approach works best with their type?

6. Tips to Deal with Difficult People

1. Get feedback from others about yourself with someone you trust. Ask how they experience your communication style and if they see roadblocks.

2. Avoid gossiping about the person. Anger feeds anger. Negativity Feeds Negativity. The situation becomes unnecessarily magnified.

3. Take time out. Practice and plan your interactions. Learn effective communication tools when working with certain personality types.

4. Avoid taking this situation personally. You are probably not the first to feel frustrated with this person.

5. Hold your ground by communicating rather than arguing. Set boundaries rather than allow angry or inappropriate behavior to impact you.

6. View the situation as an opportunity to learn rather than avoid. It’s important to understand that these interactions are a part of work and life. They will happen many times throughout our existence. We have the opportunity to improve and feel empowered or remain stagnant and uncomfortable when dealing with these situations.

In our next post we’ll talk about “Types of Difficult People” and how to recognize and cope with them.

Thank you for reading. Have a great weekend.

Frank