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Avoiding the Triangulation Trap

Focused Team Communication: Avoiding the Triangulation Trap

Is your team in sync?

How would you rate your team’s communication?

Triangulation impairs progress, decreases morale and creates division.
Groups become divided. Trust erodes, production suffers, conflict increases, and creativity may be blunted as communication dynamics worsen.

Triangulation goes something like this:

Team Member 1 (TM1) and 2 have a conflict.

• TM1 goes to TM3 to talk about TM2.
• TM2 isn’t in the loop and consequently, isn’t aware of the TM1 to TM3 interaction.
• When TM2 gets wind of this, he/she feels blindsided, resentful and mistrustful.
• Communication Challenge is Magnified!

Yet, there are simple steps team leaders can take to immediately impact their team’s communication challenges!

Today’s key to success:

1) Create awareness of triangulation within your team.
2) Generate the following agreement with your team:

a) Step 1: I agree to resolve issues directly with source of the challenge.

b) Step 2: I agree I will not talk in a negative fashion about my colleague behind their back.

c) Step 3: If I’m unable to resolve the conflict with the individual, I will seek a neutral mentor or 3rd party to coach me through the conflict or ask for mediation.

d) Step 4: For steps 1 – 3, I will be accountable and actionable throughout the process.

Most of us have experienced team synchronicity. Most of us have experienced triangulation. By following a few simple steps, your team will make giant leaps!

February 17, 2015 by Frank Del Fiugo at 3:05 pm Leave a Comment

Holiday Leadership and Managing Stress

When discussing leadership characteristics, the phrase “calm under pressure” is commonly mentioned.

  • The vision of the leader calming the employees during challenging times.
  • The general in the field, unflinchingly leading the troops through battle.
  • The CEO talking to the press about reorganization and future growth.
  • The leader reassures the company the upcoming product launch will happen on time.
  • The leader talking to the company about a recent tragedy and assuring the employees she is there with them.

One facet of leadership character is managing stress. One area of stress that leaders understand is found in the quote below:

The holiday season is often associated with family gatherings, time-off, good food, drinks and socializing. It’s often portrayed as “the most wonderful time of the year.”

Often, this is true. And, frequently, this couldn’t be farther from the truth because of family gatherings, deadlines for year-end projects, too much food and drinks, money spent and the re-evaluation of our earnings, etc.

Let’s look at the stress of the Fall season on a continuum – scale of 1-10.

Where do you see yourself now? What about in 2 weeks?

___________________________________________

1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10

Finding your Balance: A Challenge

Scale yourself between 1 – 10 right now. Do it in two weeks and commit to a mid-January stress evaluation.

Want to lead by example through the holiday and feel emboldened and energized?

Below is stress research and time-tested stress busters?  We can choose to manage our stress by focusing on our internal reactions to external happenings around us. Are you up for the challenge?

Many of us experience stress in life, whether this is in the short term from one-off projects, or long-term stress from a high-pressure career.

Not only can this be profoundly unpleasant, it can seriously affect our health and our work. However, it is possible to manage stress, if you use the right tools and techniques.

In this article, we’ll look at what stress is, what increases your risk of experiencing it, and how you can manage it, so that it doesn’t affect your well-being and productivity.

Note:

While the stress management techniques in this article can have a positive effect on reducing stress, they are for guidance only. You should take the advice of a suitably qualified health professional if you have any concerns over stress-related illnesses, or if you are experiencing significant or persistent unhappiness.

What is Stress?

A widely accepted definition of stress, attributed to psychologist and professor Richard Lazarus, is, “a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.”

This means that we experience stress if we believe that we don’t have the time, resources, or knowledge to handle a situation. In short, we experience stress when we feel “out of control.”

This also means that different people handle stress differently, in different situations: you’ll handle stress better if you’re confident in your abilities, if you can change the situation to take control, and if you feel that you have the help and support needed to do a good job.

Reactions to Stress

We have two instinctive reactions that make up our stress response. These are the “fight or flight” response, and the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). Both of these reactions can happen at the same time.

Fight or Flight

Walter Cannon identified the “fight or flight” response as early as 1932. It’s a basic, short-term survival response, which is triggered when we experience a shock, or when we see something that we perceive as a threat.

Our brains then release stress hormones that prepare the body to either “fly” from the threat, or “fight” it. This energizes us, but it also makes us excitable, anxious, and irritable.

The problem with the fight or flight response is that, although it helps us deal with life-threatening events, we can also experience it in everyday situations – for example, when we have to work to short deadlines, when we speak in public, or when we experience conflict with others.

In these types of situations, a calm, rational, controlled, and socially sensitive approach is often more appropriate.

General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS)

GAS, which Hans Selye identified in 1950, is a response to long-term exposure to stress.

Selye found that we cope with stress in three distinct phases:

  1. The alarm phase, where we react to the stressor.
  2. The resistance phase, where we adapt to, and cope with, the stressor. The body can’t keep up resistance indefinitely, so our physical and emotional resources are gradually depleted.
  3. The exhaustion phase, where, eventually, we’re “worn down” and we cannot function normally.

Tip:

Fight or flight and GAS are actually linked – the exhaustion phase of GAS comes from an accumulation of very many fight or flight responses, over a long period of time.

Stress and the Way we Think

When we encounter a situation, we make two (often unconscious) judgments.

First, we decide whether the situation is threatening – this could be a threat to our social standing, values, time, or reputation, as well as to our survival. This can then trigger the fight or flight response, and the alarm phase of GAB.

Next, we judge whether we have the resources to meet the perceived threat. These resources can include time, knowledge, emotional capabilities, energy, strength, and much more.

How stressed we feel then depends on how far out of control we feel, and how well we can meet the threat with the resources we have available.

Signs of Stress

Everyone reacts to stress differently. However, some common signs and symptoms of the fight or flight response include:

  • Frequent headaches.
  • Cold or sweaty hands and feet.
  • Frequent heartburn, stomach pain, or nausea.
  • Panic attacks.
  • Excessive sleeping, or insomnia.
  • Persistent difficulty concentrating.
  • Obsessive or compulsive behaviors.
  • Social withdrawal or isolation.
  • Constant fatigue.
  • Irritability and angry episodes.
  • Significant weight gain or loss.
  • Consistent feelings of being overwhelmed or overloaded.

Consequences of Stress

Stress impacts our ability to do our jobs effectively, and it affects how we work with other people. This can have a serious impact on our careers, and well as on our general well-being and relationships.

Long-term stress can also cause conditions such as burnout, cardiovascular disease, stroke, depression, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system. (Sure, if you’re stressed, the last thing you want to think about is how damaging it can be. However, you do need to know how important it is to take stress seriously.)

How to Manage Stress

The first step in managing stress is to understand where these feeling are coming from.

  • Keep a Diary
  • Next, list these stressors in order of their impact. Which affect your health and well-being most? And which affect your work and productivity?
  • Then, consider using some of the approaches below to manage your stress. You’ll likely be able to use a mix of strategies from each area.

1. Action-Oriented Approaches

With action-oriented approaches, you take action to change the stressful situations.

Managing Your Time

Your workload can cause stress, if you don’t manage your time well. This can be a key source of stress for very many people.

Other People

Practice assertiveness; manage your boundaries especially dealing with unreasonable requests during the holidays!

2. Emotion-Oriented Approaches

Emotion-oriented approaches are useful when the stress you’re experiencing comes from the way that you perceive a situation. (It can be annoying for people to say this, but a lot of stress comes from overly-negative thinking.)

To change how you think about stressful situations:

  • Use Cognitive Restructuring: Remember our beliefs = our behavior. Change your beliefs to minimize unhealthy responses to stress.
  • Reframe uncomfortable situations. Focus on a positive outlook or belief.
  • Use Affirmations and Imagery to overcome short-term negative thinking, so that you feel more positive about stressful situations.

3. Acceptance-Oriented Approaches

Acceptance-oriented approaches apply to situations where you have no power to change what happens, and where situations are genuinely bad.

To build your defenses against stress:

  • Use techniques like meditation and physical relaxation to calm yourself when you feel stressed.
  • Take advantage of your support network   – this could include your friends and family, as well as people at work and professional providers, such as counselors or family doctors.
  • Get enough exercise and sleep, and learn how to make the most of your down, so that you can recover from stressful events.
  • Learn how to cope with change and build resilience, so that you can overcome setbacks.

We experience stress when we feel threatened, and when we believe that we don’t have the resources to deal with a challenging situation. Over time, this can cause long-term health problems; and it can also affect the quality of our work and our productivity.

To control your stress, conduct a job analysis, so that you know your most important priorities at work. Learn good time management strategies, so that you can handle your priorities effectively. Try to let go of negative thinking habits, and become a positive thinker by using affirmations and visualization.

Also, create defenses against stressful situations that you cannot control – use your network, be sure to get enough exercise and sleep, and learn how to relax.

Are you up for the challenge?

The holiday season is here. We have the understanding, tools and strategies to manage stress. Are you up for the challenge?

Let us know your thoughts and strategies for managing stress through the holiday season.

November 13, 2014 by Frank Del Fiugo at 10:30 pm Leave a Comment

Fearless – Taking on the Workplace Bully

You’ve had a great weekend and getting back to work doesn’t seem so bad this week. Traffic is heavy yet it’s moving at a steady pace. You make a few calls on the way to work. You pull into the office parking lot and your ready to go.

As you make your way to your desk, your boss (or co-worker) approaches you and says in a loud and condescending way, “You seem to be pretty relaxed for someone who dropped the ball on our most important deadline!”

Change “project” to any of your responsibilities at work. Change “deadline” to any thing else important that is fitting for you job. One thing we can’t change is the unprovoked attack by a person who has no sense of the impact of their actions on us. They have no sense of the impact on morale around us. Or, they do understand the consequences of this behavior and choose not to care in that moment.

Bully in the Workplace?

While bullying behavior is derailing for most, it doesn’t have to be. Over the next few months we will be talking about resolving conflicts with difficult people.

Today we’ll start with mindset. We take can charge of any situation if we’re prepared. In this particular situation there are two important start points:

    1. We need to assess the situation. Is our boss or co-worker’s behavior one incident or is it chronic behavior?If it’s one episode over a significant period of time, we may be able to reasonably discuss the person’s actions. Usually, they’re embarrassed about their behavior and will keep it in check in the future. We also may be able to forgive the behavior more readily.If it is chronic behavior, we need to be more strategic. The strategic mindset starts with our self-talk. When bullying, aggressive behavior occurs, we need to take space and think about what happened. To be effective and appropriate in our response, it’s vital to say to ourselves, “this is not about me.” Depersonalizing the incident will make it easier to respond to and let go of the attack.  Next, we need to plan our response to the bully about their behavior. If we go underground and avoid it, it will only happen again. (more on this next time)

     

    1. Practice: Rehearsing our response and the potential excuses, blame and minimization by the bully are important for two reasons. We are specific and to the point about how this person’s behavior is inappropriate.And two, we know what potential responses to expect. Becoming fearless when it comes to conflict helps create a more effective workplace as problems are addressed as they arise.Also, bullying behavior that is not addressed opens up the door for a cascade of problems down the line.

    Please send your responses and thoughts. We would like to hear about your most challenging work situation with a difficult person and may use it as an example in our next newsletter.

    January 30, 2013 by Frank Del Fiugo at 10:48 am 3 Comments

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