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Archives for January 2013

Fearless – Taking on the Workplace Bully

You’ve had a great weekend and getting back to work doesn’t seem so bad this week. Traffic is heavy yet it’s moving at a steady pace. You make a few calls on the way to work. You pull into the office parking lot and your ready to go.

As you make your way to your desk, your boss (or co-worker) approaches you and says in a loud and condescending way, “You seem to be pretty relaxed for someone who dropped the ball on our most important deadline!”

Change “project” to any of your responsibilities at work. Change “deadline” to any thing else important that is fitting for you job. One thing we can’t change is the unprovoked attack by a person who has no sense of the impact of their actions on us. They have no sense of the impact on morale around us. Or, they do understand the consequences of this behavior and choose not to care in that moment.

Bully in the Workplace?

While bullying behavior is derailing for most, it doesn’t have to be. Over the next few months we will be talking about resolving conflicts with difficult people.

Today we’ll start with mindset. We take can charge of any situation if we’re prepared. In this particular situation there are two important start points:

    1. We need to assess the situation. Is our boss or co-worker’s behavior one incident or is it chronic behavior?If it’s one episode over a significant period of time, we may be able to reasonably discuss the person’s actions. Usually, they’re embarrassed about their behavior and will keep it in check in the future. We also may be able to forgive the behavior more readily.If it is chronic behavior, we need to be more strategic. The strategic mindset starts with our self-talk. When bullying, aggressive behavior occurs, we need to take space and think about what happened. To be effective and appropriate in our response, it’s vital to say to ourselves, “this is not about me.” Depersonalizing the incident will make it easier to respond to and let go of the attack.  Next, we need to plan our response to the bully about their behavior. If we go underground and avoid it, it will only happen again. (more on this next time)

     

    1. Practice: Rehearsing our response and the potential excuses, blame and minimization by the bully are important for two reasons. We are specific and to the point about how this person’s behavior is inappropriate.And two, we know what potential responses to expect. Becoming fearless when it comes to conflict helps create a more effective workplace as problems are addressed as they arise.Also, bullying behavior that is not addressed opens up the door for a cascade of problems down the line.

    Please send your responses and thoughts. We would like to hear about your most challenging work situation with a difficult person and may use it as an example in our next newsletter.

    Getting Back in Sync

    Last year at this time, I was visiting a company for a leadership-coaching meeting with a client. As we talked, the holidays naturally came up. As the meeting progressed, it became apparent my client was tired from the holidays, stressed about his yearly need to set goals and concerned about his workload.

    Consequently, the meeting was challenging as we were deviating from a fairly time sensitive agenda. We decided together to spend some time getting back “in-sync”. Working on goals without focus or awareness would not have been as effective.

    Therefore, we went to work with writing down some notes, spending time processing and letting go of a challenging holiday with family and writing down notes and planning.

    Based on the client’s feedback, he saw this meeting as a critical turning point and gained crucial tools to gain focus and clarity. Although our meeting was just the starting point, for him to become consistent at self-care, the holidays or post holidays, were good opportunities to start these changes.

    The winter holiday season is a good time to reconnect with family and friends. It’s an opportunity for time off to travel, relax and regroup before returning to work in the New Year. It’s also a time to overeat, stop exercising and feel exhausted and stressed. Where do you fit in the above examples?

    If you’re entering your job this week relaxed, focused and ready to take on anything that comes your way, congratulations! You are one of the few individuals who returns from this time-off energized!

    If we look at the “how do you feel this week returning from the holidays continuum”, most of us fit somewhere in the middle. I know that January will bring distracted clients, burned out employees and low levels of energy from people returning from time off. For myself, I won’t be able to listen and problem solve as effectively as I would like.

    So, why not attempt a new method to take pressure off of ourselves. Let’s try a different approach to recovering and re-energizing from the post holiday blues. Instead of putting more pressure on ourselves to set goals, lose weight, exercise more, have better time management, make more money, etc., let’s focus on what it takes to get back in sync. Once we come from a place of calmness and greater clarity, then we will have greater success achieving the above goals and behavioral changes.

    Getting Back in Sync:

    1. Spend a 10 minutes alone upon waking visualizing your day. Make sure you’re breathing fully as you see yourself interacting with others at work, evaluating projects, eating healthy food and drinking water to sustain your energy. See yourself taking a walk at lunch or after work alone, with family or friends.
    2. Choose 2 of the most important things for you to get done that day and go for it. Spend as much time as it takes with breaks every hour or so.
    3. Give yourself a few minutes to think from the heart. Who and what are you grateful for at this time.
    4. Before leaving work your first few days back, develop or revise your To Do List. Gain perspective and be able to see your plan to get things done.
    5. After your first week back at work, set-aside time for achieving goals. Think of 2% change instead of 100% make-over. Be realistic and enjoy the process!

    Welcome Back and Here’s to a Great New Year!

    Regards,
    Frank